


welcome! everything is fine!

by irlwonu (orphan_account)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Alternate Universe - The Good Place (TV) Fusion, M/M, kind of a crackfic probably, so many cameos im sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-15 00:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16051862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/irlwonu
Summary: Jihoon nodded dumbly, his cheeks feeling hot. “Okay,” he said, as if any of this made any sense at all. “So...my- neighbourhood, I think you said? Is that code for...heaven or hell or purgatory or…?”“Well, none of the above, actually. There isn’t really a heaven or hell as you knew it on Earth. But in the simplest terms, there’s a Good Place and a Bad Place.” Jeonghan smiled, showing all of his teeth. “Don’t worry, Jihoon. You’re in the Good Place.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be so bad im sorry in advance. written solely because i spent all day watching the good place and listening to cut to the feeling. *blows two kisses to the sky* thank u carly rae jepsen.
> 
> uhhhh let me kno ur thots pls i need to kno if ppl actually wanna read this bc i have no idea if its any good or not. anyway enjoy ! i luv carly rae jepsen

Jihoon’s eyes fluttered open.

“Welcome, Jihoon,” spoke the unfamiliar man in front of him. Jihoon was in a room he had never seen before. It was sparse but bright, with light flowing in from all corners and nothing in the room but a simple desk and two chairs. Behind the desk was a man with long, silvery hair and kind eyes. 

Jihoon’s usual reaction to the unfamiliar was to panic, but he felt oddly at peace. There were so many words forming at the tip of his tongue, and none stringing together into actual sentences. The man behind the desk seemed to sense this because he continued to speak, immediately answering so many questions on Jihoon’s mind while raising so many more.

“You, Lee Jihoon, are dead. This is the afterlife.”

Jihoon let out a strangled sound, not quite sure what word was caught in his throat but pretty sure it was something between  _ what?  _ and  _ what the fuck? _

“You must have lots of questions,” the man behind the desk continued, “which is why I’m here. My name is Jeonghan, and I’m here to help your transition into the afterlife be as smooth as possible. Feel free to say anything that comes to mind.”

“Is this it?” Jihoon blurted out before he could stop himself, barely letting Jeonghan finish his sentence. A pained expression filled his face. “Er, sorry. I just mean...I mean, is this...where I spend eternity?” He gestured lamely around the room. “Here?”

Jeonghan chuckled softly. “No, this is just the transitional room. Don’t worry, though. You’ll see your neighbourhood soon enough.”

Jihoon nodded dumbly, his cheeks feeling hot. “Okay,” he said, as if any of this made any sense at all. “So...my- neighbourhood, I think you said? Is that code for...heaven or hell or purgatory or…?”

“Well, none of the above, actually. There isn’t really a heaven or hell as you knew it on Earth. But in the simplest terms, there’s a Good Place and a Bad Place.” Jeonghan smiled, showing all of his teeth. “Don’t worry, Jihoon. You’re in the Good Place.” 

Jihoon let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, though his teeth remained gritted and his hands remained clutching the armrest. “Okay,” he said slowly, and then stopped. His eyebrows furrowed together with each passing second until they resembled a bushy caterpillar. “Okay,” he said again. “So...Why me?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Jeonghan said. “Your intense love of people and deep relationships within your community that led to you personally saving the lives of hundreds of people within your neighborhood? Where else would you be but the Good Place?”

Jihoon swallowed and nodded once more. “Good question.”

***

_ “Here comes Scrooge Jihoon again!” yell-whispered a group of kids that couldn’t have been older than eight. Or ten. Or twelve. It didn’t matter. Jihoon was never good with kids, age or otherwise. _

_ “That’s not even clever,” he muttered under his breath as he continued to walk back from home from the studio, his glare intensifying with each step he took. This was just another reason he desperately needed to get his driver’s license, he thought to himself, but for the moment he merely kept walking. _

_ The kids had moved on from their torment, going back to screeching about their basketball or Xbox or whatever. Jihoon tried to ignore it, really, but they seemed to get louder even when he got farther away. He was trying desperately to remember the melody he was working on before he was rudely kicked out of the studio, but their laughter kept drifting into his thoughts and erasing each note with its shrill noise.  _

_ Only when was the last music note in his head completely replaced by the sound of kids yelling did Jihoon turn around. “Go inside!” He yelled. “Go inside or be quiet! People live here!” _

_ This only prompted the kids to laugh even louder, though this time their merriment was punctuated with cries of “Scrooge Jihoon! Scrooge Jihoon!” They did, however, scream it while running away, and Jihoon took that as a small victory. _

_ *** _

“And over there is ‘Kombucha One, Kombucha All!’” Jeonghan said, pointing right past Jihoon’s shoulder. “I’m pretty sure that’s all of them. Oh, except for Kom-BOO!-cha, but that one’s only for the Halloween season.”

“Uh-huh,” Jihoon said, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. “There are, uh...there’s a lot of kombucha places around here.”

“Yeah, I guess a lot of the residents here really like it?” Jeonghan shrugged. “I’m an all-knowing being, and even I can’t really explain that one, but it was the only requirement listed when I was designing the neighbourhood.”

“So...now what?” Jihoon said, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “I mean, where do I sleep?”

“Oh, of course!” Jeonghan said, putting a hand on Jihoon’s back as he guided him forward. “I almost forgot!” They only walked for a few minutes before Jeonghan began gesturing grandly. “Your new home!”

Jihoon could barely take in the house in front of him. In most aspects, his house was a normal house, not unlike the one he lived in on his time on Earth. There were two key differences, however. One: This house was painted in bright colours, stripes and circles and zigzags of lime green and hot pink and orange and every vivid colour imaginable. Two: The house was right next to a giant bouncy castle almost twice its size.

Jihoon’s mouth stood agape. He turned back to look at Jeonghan, who was grinning with glee. Jihoon found himself, once again, at a loss for words, and merely pointed to the bouncy castle.

“Yes, it’s yours! Given your love of children and caretaking, we put your place directly in the middle of the street with our more youthful residences, and what better way to give kids an excuse to come home than with a bouncy castle?”

“Oh my god,” Jihoon said. “Oh. My. God.”

“We knew you’d love it!” Jeonghan said. “Now, let me show you inside your house.”

The inside was more or less the same. All the furniture were neon coloured and kid-sized, and Jihoon couldn’t help but feel that it was more a dig at his height than an invitation for children to come invade his space. His fridge was filled with grilled cheese sandwiches, pizza, and after school snacks. His couch was zebra-printed. Jihoon wanted to die more than he ever had before. The only difference was this time, he already had.

He was too busy gazing at the colour wheel vomit around him to notice another person standing in the room, and he still didn’t until Jeonghan cleared his throat, forcing Jihoon to look up.

“Jihoon,” Jeonghan said, taking his spot next to the only other person in the room. “Meet your soulmate, Kwon Soonyoung.”

Jeonghan stood next to a man that looked to be made up of his own colour wheel vomit, sporting bright red hair and a gold-coloured jacket. He was smiling so brightly, his eyes almost disappearing beneath his pink cheeks and his wide grin. There was never someone that was more surely in paradise.

Jihoon looked between the two of them, unable to process whether or not this was some kind of joke.

“Um. I’m not gay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just 2 clarify ofc jihoon isnt actually a kid hating scrooge that belongs in the bad place theres a lot of backstory i promise also i took some creative liberty bc im me and i can. hope u enjoy pls comment ur thots thank u lots for reading !!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don’t really know if I’m going to have time to come to your barbeque, Seokmin, sorry. You know, I just kind of wanted to work on some music and-“
> 
> “You’re dead!” Seokmin said in a tone all-too-cheery. “You have the rest of your life to make music!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what im doing can u tell

A brief flash of panic found its way to Soonyoung’s face, but Jeonghan’s smile remained ever in place. “It’s nothing to worry about,” Jeonghan said, his voice so calming that Jihoon wouldn’t be surprised if he was being lulled to sleep. “This is not an uncommon thing. People who didn’t reach their ‘true essence’ on Earth are often surprised by their soulmate in the afterlife. Jihoon,” he said, stepping forward and placing a delicate hand on Jihoon’s shoulder, “You have nothing to worry about. Soulmates are calculated through our system, and our system is never wrong.”

“Okay,” Jihoon said hesitantly. So far, Jihoon had learned that the person who was supposed to be here instead of him was a gay, helpful, kind-hearted man that was apparently the soulmate of the smiling gerbil in front of Jihoon right now. Jihoon wondered if, wherever he was, that person was hating their time there as much as Jihoon was here. “I’m sorry,” Jihoon said, shaking his head a little. “I’m just…trying to process a lot. I’ve never even been in a relationship.”

Soonyoung looked like he was about to say something, but Jeonghan started speaking before he had the chance. “Completely understandable,” Jeonghan said. “The first day in the afterlife is hard for everyone. You’ll be living in paradise soon, though, I promise. Just take your time for now.”

Somehow, Jihoon knew that he wasn’t going to be finding his paradise in a Crayola box for a house with a beaming baby duckling as his ‘soulmate,’ but he nodded in response. His brain was slowly but surely pulling together a plan to get him out of there; he just needed to buy himself some time.

“Well,” Jeonghan said, taking slow strides around Jihoon before patting him on the back. “I should probably get going, let you two get to know each other. Have fun!” And before Jihoon could say anything along the lines of _wait_ and _please don’t leave me alone with him_ , Jeonghan was gone.

Jihoon turned back to face Soonyoung, who was standing in the exact spot he had been in when he was first introduced, though his smile was a touch more forced. Jihoon broke eye contact with him almost immediately and went back to gazing upon the interior decorating disaster that was his living room. He could barely bite back a grimace, though Soonyoung didn’t seem to notice, as he only went “I like your place a lot” after several awkward seconds of silence.

“Well,” Jihoon said, his right eye practically twitching. “You shouldn’t. It’s awful.”

Soonyoung’s eyebrows furrowed together, piecing his next sentence together slowly. “But…it’s yours.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be!” Jihoon said, the words practically ripped from his throat in a fast and emotional manner that was almost a direct contrast to Soonyoung’s statement.

“Jihoon,” Soonyoung said, the confusion on his face replacing itself with worry. “Is…is everything okay?”

“I’m gonna go,” Jihoon said, feeling an uncharacteristic amount of emotion bubble inside of him. There was the normal amount of anger, yes, but odd amount of fear, sadness, injustice, grief, and hatred were coursing through his veins. Resisting the urge to kick a miniature-sized chair, Jihoon headed toward the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Jihoon, wait-“ were the last words Jihoon heard before he slammed the door in his soulmate’s face.

***

Everyone in the entire neighbourhood was drinking fucking kombucha. Kombucha. Like it wasn’t literally rotten tea leaves. Like it didn’t literally taste and smell like vinegar. Everywhere he went, people were holding cups of kombucha. The very sight made Jihoon want to claw his eyes out.

Still, even with the kombucha everywhere, Jihoon found the walk around the neighbourhood helped clear his mind. Jihoon had figured out one thing for certain, and a handful of things for probably. For sure, Jihoon was _not_ supposed to be there. Whether he was taking the spot of another Lee Jihoon or if he was just a glitch in the system, he wasn’t yet sure. For probably, there was something or someone else that weren’t supposed to be there, either. He wasn’t sure who yet, but the odds that he was the only thing among the millions of things the neighbourhood had to offer that was placed there incorrectly were miniscule. For pretty probably, he couldn’t tell anyone about any of…this until he knew what was going on, or how he was going to be punished for it.

For almost probably, he wasn’t gay. Like, almost 100% probably. But for sure, it didn’t matter right now. There was more for Jihoon to find out, and more he would’ve found out if it wasn’t for the man approaching him that looked as if he literally radiated sunbeams. Like, literally. Jihoon was 99% sure Jeonghan was an actual, literal angel, but this guy – well, he was bright, to say the least.

“Hiya!” He said, approaching Jihoon in large strides as soon as Jihoon made the unfortunate accident of locking eyes with him – Okay, more so Jihoon staring in a mix of amazement and bewilderment, and him noticing, but still. “Me and my soulmate were throwing a welcome barbeque for the neighbourhood, and we were just wondering if you wanted to come! What’s your name? I’m Seokmin, and my soulmate’s name is Mingyu, so we started calling our house the Seokmingyu house. That’s where the barbeque is being held, by the way, if you want to come! Where do you live?”

“I’m…Jihoon” Jihoon said, pointing in the general direction of his house, very obviously taken aback by the sudden monologue presented before him.

“Great! So we’ll see you there, then?”

“Wait, no, that’s not what I’m-“

“Jihoon!” Jeonghan said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “I was looking for you! I see you’ve met Seokmin.”

“I was just inviting him to my barbeque!” supplied Seokmin.

“Isn’t that just something?” Jeonghan said, moving the hair out of his eyes like he was in a shampoo commercial. “Jihoon used to run a monthly barbeque event as part of his work with the schoolboard in his district! If you ever need any tips, feel free to ask him.”

“Really?” Seokmin said, looking at Jihoon as his eyes widened. “You have to come, then! Mingyu’s cooking, and I’m decorating, and we’d both love to know what you think!”

Jihoon refrained from making a face. “Just…two questions. One,” he said, shrugging Jeonghan’s arm off of him and turning to face him. “Why are you…” Jihoon tried to think of the politest phrasing possible. “ _everywhere_?”

“I’m the architect of the neighbourhood, silly!” Jeonghan said. “I’m just here to make sure everyone’s transition goes smoothly.”

Jihoon bit back his comment about how Jeonghan was doing just the opposite. “Second, I don’t really know if I’m going to have time to come to your barbeque, Seokmin, sorry. You know, I just kind of wanted to work on some music and-“

“You’re dead!” Seokmin said in a tone all-too-cheery. “You have the rest of your life to make music!”

“Jihoon-ah,” Jeonghan said, his voice returning to the lullaby one from earlier that day, “being shy and scared is normal. But I promise you, this is the Good Place. Everything here was specifically placed here based on _your_ idea of paradise. There’s nothing that can go wrong, I promise.”

Jihoon bit the inside of his cheek, wondering how exactly he was going to get out of this one. Before he could stop himself, he heard his voice say, “How am I going to say no?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a heavy heart and a full-body shudder, Jihoon realized what he had to do.
> 
> He had to make small talk.

Jihoon’s hands threaded through his hair, trying his best to reason himself out of a panic attack. He couldn’t be the only thing wrong with this system, right? If he was faulty, there had to be more people that were faulty, right? And while a neighbourhood barbeque would be the bane of his existence in normal situations, Jihoon had to start admitting to himself at one point or another that he wasn’t in a normal situation. He was dead. There was nothing he could do about that.

He steadied himself against the atrociously coloured wall of his house. There was still so much to process, and there was barely any time to process it. Taking a deep breath and turning to find a mirror to fix his appearance in, Jihoon resolved to find time to work out whatever he was going through at a later date.

It was only when he saw that the single reflective surface available in his house was a fun house mirror did the thought completely slip his mind.

***

Almost immediately, Jihoon was reminded why he avoided every single social event presented to him. Within seconds of finding himself on the over-decorated lawn (there were real doves flying through the air, for God’s sake), Jihoon already had a flimsy paper plate, plastic cutlery, and limp array of vegetables shoved in to his hand, not to mention the parade of smiles and introductions and directions to where the bathroom was all thrown at him within the first minute and a half.

If that wasn’t bad enough, it seemed word had gotten about Jihoon’s bouncy castle, because he was very quickly flocked by handfuls of children, eager to tell them about their day like he cared about any of it. God, maybe Jihoon didn’t even _want_ to be in the Good Place, if this is what it was going to be like all the time.

Halfway through some kid’s spiel about her favourite Barbie or whatever, Jihoon remembered what he was here to do. “Yeah, that sounds great,” he said, waving a hand to cut them off. “So, uh…who’s throwing this party? Are they…you know, _good_?” The last word was paired with air quotes, but the animated girl he was talking to seemed to not pick up on it, only widening her already face-pullingly-wide smile and pointing to the other side of the garden.

“Oh, it’s Nayeon and Jeongyeon!” She said, gesturing to a couple leaning on each other and smiling contentedly next to the refreshments. “They’re really, really sweet. I hear they were soulmates on Earth, too, and died during a rally to protest deaths of Bangladeshi high school students. Nayeon told me they met because they were on the same rescue mission, and when she heard Jeongyeon’s voice issuing commands to the search teams over the radio, she knew she was in love.”

Jihoon held back a grimace and the question he was sure was on everyone else’s mind as well – _is this, like, a Korea-town version of paradise or what?_ – and tried to force a supportive look on to his face. “Well, that sounds…good.” He turned his attention back to the girl in front of him, eyeing her suspiciously. “And what about you? What did you do?”

“Not much! I just spent my entire life since childhood taking down and destroying the corrupt industry of pop music from the inside,” The girl said cheerfully, before holding out a paper cup filled with a brownish-greyish liquid. “Annnd I made some coffee! Want some?”

Before Jihoon could think of the most Good Place-acceptable way to tell her that her coffee looked like snot, Jeonghan had materialized at the girl’s side and was guiding her away. “Yeri,” Jeonghan said in between nervous chuckles, “I thought we talked about why you can’t try to make the people here drink cement anymore, okay?”

Jihoon took it as an opportunity to slip away from the conversation and in the opposite direction. He felt frustrated at the waste of time this barbeque had been so far, having not found one person that seemed like they didn’t belong there. In fact, Jihoon had barely found out anything about anyone at all. With a heavy heart and a full-body shudder, Jihoon realized what he had to do.

He had to make small talk.

***

_“And this will be your roommate,” said the RA that Jihoon had already forgotten the name of. “He’s an international student from the States, and he’s really excited to be in Korea for the first time!” The RA looked between the two men – one smiling and one scowling – and seemed to decide that that was his cue to leave. With a clap of his hands, he went, “So, uh! See you around!” and left before Jihoon could ask him to take the other boy with him._

_“Yo, wassup, man!” The other guy surged forward, arms raised as if expecting a bro-hug or a handshake or something. Jihoon instinctively took a step back as he did. “My name’s Joshua! What’s up? How are you?”_

_It took several silent seconds for Joshua to realize that Jihoon was non-responsive to the physical contact. His arm fell back to his side, but he still looked at Jihoon like he was waiting for an answer. “I’m Jihoon,” Jihoon said, feeling generous._

_“That’s such a cool name, bro! Are you from around here? What’s your major?”_

_Jihoon gestured to the door on the left. “That’s my room.” He picked up his suitcase and started making his way over. Joshua started to say something, but Jihoon closed the door just loud enough that he couldn’t hear a single word._

***

“And then after donating my savings from my years an environmental lawyer into my ex-patient’s soup kitchen, it was really just a no-brainer on-“

“Yeah, Okay. Thanks.” Jihoon said, wishing he had anything – from very strong and large amounts of alcohol to even that disgusting coffee - to gulp down right then. “I got it.”

This was getting ridiculous. Not only had Jihoon not found anyone that seemed like they didn’t belong, everyone seemed to be far too good to be true. There were philanthropists. There were people who gave up their lives for mere strangers. There were people that offered to help their friends move without even being asked. At a certain point, Jihoon felt it was almost braggy.

Even worse than that, though, was the fact that Jihoon found himself no closer to finding someone that wasn’t absolutely perfect, which meant he was no closer to finding another glitch. He dragged his feet towards the refreshment, praying that the hostesses managed to clear the punch bowl of its cement. He had only managed to make a few feet-shuffles before he ran into a building.

Well, no. As Jihoon looked up, he realized it wasn’t building but just a very tall, large man standing in the middle of everything for no reason. “Oh, sorry,” said the building-person. “I didn’t see you there.” He peered closer, and Jihoon saw the glint of a pair of fangs resting in the back of his mouth. “And no wonder! Go back to the kid’s table, pipsqueak! What are you doing over here?”

_Finally,_ Jihoon thought. _A fucking asshole._

 


End file.
